Bygones

Let bygones be bygones, what's done is done.
I was much more apt to let this go more than ever--I found myself eschewing the negativity. I was done with it. It felt bitter in my mouth, as it rolled off my tongue. Like going back to sweets after months, it stung. Too much.
So I let it roll away, a bad thought carried out to sea, until it was just a pinprick on the horizon, finally disappearing.
There was something about the ocean--it could take away my sadness, welcome me home, and scare and exhilarate me.
Sounds like the perfect partner?
It worked its way to my toes, wrapped itself around my ankles, and encouraged me out deeper. With a deep breath, I plunged into salty cold, a blinding sensation overtaking me, crushing the breath out of me. I came up for air, breathing deep, but ready to go in again.
I got used to the steely cold, and it began to feel comfortable and even warm, enveloping me softness and security.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the depth below me, the ocean was limitless. A great expanse of sparkling clear water, revealed nothing. Light refused to pass through to the deep, only suggested a far away sandy floor, a step that was deceivingly close, but reaching proved otherwise. Like an uncertain step, you would only feel as if your stomach dropped out and your foot fell nowhere. You had miscalculated.
It took my breath away, and electrified my brain. Thinking was impossible.
As I dove, my ears felt needling pressure, and my lungs felt crushing compaction. The water protected me, as it caused me pain. It drove me to curiosity and contentment, while slowly killing me.
I wanted to lay at the bottom, give it my love, feel it on top of me, push me down. My lungs protested, my body lifted me above. I struggled against it, but gave into my body's protests, the air in my body pulling me upward like little strings and fingers.
Above, I gasped, breaking the surface with enraged but comfortable intensity. My lungs pumped and pumped, and finally relaxed, as I floated and kicked my legs.
I lay on my back, feeling the water push me up, holding me on a mattress of water. The passion subsided, the love affair over for now. Caught in a quiet embrace, the danger lingering below.
I left it begrudingly, the awkwardness of gravity like weights, the lightness of love gone.
I counted the moments until I would be back again.

"When our kite lines first crossed. We tied them into knots. And to finally fly apart. We had to cut them off."

~ Pink Bullets by The Shins