The City

If I had fingernails right now I would be biting them.
Tomorrow seems a million years away, and yet, the future seemed minutes away. Is it possible to be feeling the slow drag of time and the stressful fleeting breaths of it gone by?
Everything in my head was screeching, pulling on the brakes. I didn't like that. It gave me an odd sense of anxiety. Wasn't it too early for anxiety?
I knew my weaknesses very well, so I tried to ignore them. I tried to ignore the feelings of jealousy. I tried to ignore the feelings of insignificance. I tried to ignore the feelings of suspicion.
It was like a plague, and I tried to stifle it.
It was so easy to sell myself short and pretend like I was less than I was. Why was that? Why was it so easy to think I wasn't good enough? Or as good?
Part of the feelings were stemming from my impulsiveness. I always know what I want, and work to get it. I didn't understand someone who didn't act on how they felt. Once I knew, I knew.
The delay was making me doubt myself more and more.
And the end-based talking. That made me doubt as well.
If there was one something I hated, it was feeling like I was insignificant. And that feeling swiftly overtook me.
This was starting to feel difficult, and slightly against my favor.
It felt like something I wanted but couldn't have.
The dress that fits you perfectly that you can't afford.
The icecream flavor that is your favorite, but you are allergic to.
The cat you love that bites you.
Maybe that was a tad dramatic. But I was used to being the one that wanted it, wasn't I?

"You know I, hate to see you cry. When you open up to me, I take you in my arms, wish you the top top top top of the morning....Won't let the city destroy our love. Won't let the city destroy my love."
~ The City by Patrick Wolf