4 out of 6

The world started to feel heavy.
"You'll get in" was starting to be replaced by "Keep your chin up."
Everywhere was rejecting me.
I had really wanted to go to graduate school. Now some small part of me wanted to stay here. Didn't want to figure out the complexities of moving. Another part of me ached and groaned. A large part of me saw myself getting stuck here, forever. Never leaving, because I wasn't brave enough to burst my bubble.
The future felt bleak.
Money was starting to become an ever-increasing worry. Would I have enough money to pay off student loans? Live on my own? Get a car? I didn't want to be in debt forever. I also didn't want to do my own taxes. I had never had a real job, and I had never had to take care of rent, groceries, finances...this scared the shit out of me. I wasn't ready to be an adult all on my own yet.
I tried to calm my stresses.
I told myself that I was on my own a little already. I was mostly sufficient. Sure I didn't have a car, but I had been mostly taking care of my food and housing for 3 years now. Most of my expenses I took care of myself. However, aside from housing, I had never really had any big ones, and never had to hold down a steady paying job.
This was scaring me a little.
The anxiety from last night had caused me to have all sorts of crazy dreams, including the tropics, the Bahamas, big sailing ships, and a child breaking into and ransacking my room in an attempt to kill me.
He stood over me, shadows over his face, his small body in the moonlight.
I wondered if this meant something, if my subconscious wanted to tell me anything.
What ships and tropics and small murderous children had to do with anything, I did not know.
The future felt as foggy as ever.