Run

That morning my eyes snapped open, already wired. Invigoration blossomed in my chest, despite my limbs still feeling a lingering soreness of sleep. They were not quite ready to part from the pillowy sleep world my mind had already departed from. Not that early, but still an ungodly hour for someone with my schedule. I felt a sort of anxiety, a pain in my chest. I needed to go. Slowly my limbs dragged on clothes to obey the whims of head.

"Run," my head commanded, in quiet, whispering desperation.

My playlist began. My present self smiled in agreement at a much wiser past version as the first track played.

My limbs quickly fell into a groove, and I was surprised at how easy it was for them to find their way back into that rhythm. The relief I felt was short lived as I began mounting the hill, my lungs cursing me with every breath. This was the struggle I had feared. But I pushed on, knowing the first day back would be hard.

Lyrics and beats pushed me through it, and all at once I felt the beauty of the world. I felt acutely the life in my veins overwhelm me as I stared at the white dusted purple mountain majesty. I felt the power pulsing through my body, and how wonderful it was just to let it propel me forward. I had so much strength, and was incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many happy coincidences. To be here, in this body, living this life, enjoying this early morning moment.

I pushed myself on the last downhill stretch home. Standing with my hands on my hips, I smiled at the curve of my thigh. So those muscles did exist still. I celebrated a small amount of pride, feeling remarkably beautiful in my short, pink trimmed running shorts. I was alive.

"How many of you people out there have been hurt in some kind of love affair, and how many times did you swear that you'll never love again? How many long and sleeplessness nights how many lies, how many fights, and why would you want to put yourself through all of that again? Love is pain, I hear you say. Love is a cruel and bitter way of paying you back for all faith you ever had in your brain. Or could it be that what you need the most, can leave you feeling just like a ghost? You never want to feel so sad and lost again. One day you could be looking through an old book in rainy weather. You see a picture of her smiling at you when you were still together. You could be walking down the street, and who should you chance to meet, but the same old smile you've been thinking of all day. We'll turn the clock to zero honey, I'll sell all the stock, we'll spend all the money. We're starting up a brand new day."

~ Brand New Day by Sting