Dreams

I suddenly understood why people didn't like to leave home. Why people lived in the same town, the same state and never moved.
Moving away, while admirable, was so lonely. It took a special sort of moxie to start up somewhere new, where you knew no one and slept alone at night. Every day you missed your family, friends, and loved ones.
I had to tell myself that this was my dream. I was taking on the world, doing what I needed to do to pursue my aspirations. And I wouldn't be alone forever. Meanwhile, I could pursue another sort of fulfillment. The fulfillment of my dreams. I'd just have to sacrifice the comfort of friends and family for a little while.
And looking back, I'm glad I don't live in my hometown. I'm glad I'm not dating some guy who went to my high school that I hadn't necessarily known before. That world was just so...confining. How do you let your mind grow and expand? Living in the same world you'd lived your whole life. Don't misunderstand me; I understand why people do it. It just wasn't for me. Living in the same small town with the same small community. You'd be trapped by everyone's pre-conceived notions about you for the rest of your life.
Thinking about high school gave me a sort of nervous ache in my chest. I'd want so much to be accepted and seen. Noticed. Cared about. There was this small bit of anxiety that still stuck with me after all these years. I couldn't imagine living with that anxiety for the rest of my life. I had to move on, meet new people, find new ways. The world was such a big place, I just wanted to be part of it.
I needed to be free...and now I am. Free in the big wide world. No one tells you how scary it is.
But at least I wasn't sitting in my hometown, re-living high school over again.
Tangled thoughts.

"Crazy is the forecast all week."

~ The Forecast by Jason Mraz